Slice of Life Story Challenge March 28 -Things I Will Never Buy

Things I Will Never Buy


Lists are a writer’s life blood. They stimulate thought and ideas and present a creative challenge. My notebooks are liberally sprinkled with lists. I recently read Jason Byrne’s memoir, Adventures Of A Wonky Eyed Boy. One of the things that attracted me to the book was that the author employed a lot of lists to illustrate his thinking and his observances around events and rituals in his formative years, while growing up in Ireland. The lists were often highly amusing and frequently revealing.  It has set me to listing, yet again. 

So, today I am presenting for your edification, a list of things I will never-ever buy! 
Here goes:

Things I Will Never-Ever Buy

A Crispy Crème Doughnut (I’m not mad)
A jetski (Mechanized blowfly)
A Hummer (Ugly box on wheels)
A Red Suit (garish, I’m not)
A tin of tuna (foul smell)
A ticket to Mars (distance issues)
A pair of green socks (Will never be that desperate)
A pink tie (looks like a long tongue)
A gun (look what it’s done for America)
A caravan (I love my wife)
A Onesy (I have no desire for the stuffed toy look)
A pair of Crocs (Summer shoes of shame)
A Selfie Stick (narcissist’s toy)
A Cow (Not udderly mad)
A Justin Bieber CD (Obnoxious, self-absorbed, man child)
A motorbike (Noisy death trap –to quote my Dad)
A can of Red Bull (Caffeine bomb)
A set of bagpipes ( Sensitive ears)
A pair of sandals (See Crocs)
A ticket to fly in a hot air balloon ( love the ground I walk upon)
A fondue set (that boat has well and truly sailed)
A biography about Donald Trump (time is too precious)




Comments

  1. The crocs are spot on! Amazingly terrible. I might do another list this month too. Great list by the way.

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    1. Glad you like the list and feel inspired.

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  2. Your list made me laugh! Thanks for the jovial start to my morning.

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    1. Jovial is good Chris. A laugh as well.

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  3. This was hilarious and playful. Thanks for starting my day with a laugh.

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    1. I am well pleased to hear my list made you laugh.

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  4. Before I even scrolled down and saw your picture, I was going suggest a more open mind when it comes to Crocs. I'll save my breath. You've made me laugh out loud with a couple--the guns because it's true, the biography, the doughnuts... Thank you!

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    1. Thanks Melanie. It was a fun list to compile.

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  5. I enjoyed your list of things you'll never buy, and I'd have to say I'm in agreement with nearly all of it. (I kind of like fondue.) Your comment on each item was what made this truly delightful.

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    1. So pleased to hear my list made fun reading Amanda . Always good to have a chuckle.

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  6. Your parenthetical explanations were the best! I especially appreciated the final item on your list (I can't even go there).

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  7. Ha! I like this idea!!! I might buy bagpipes, but only old ones because my grandfather was a piper in the British army during WWII.

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    1. Ah Kristy, you have family connections to bagpipes so all is forgiven. So pleased to hear we are at one regarding doughnuts!

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  8. Oh and I would never buy Krispy Kreme donuts either--groossssssss

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  9. Each item on your list made me laugh just a bit more, mostly because I am in total agreement with you. However, I have been contemplating a ticket in a hot air balloon when I go to Arizona. Still thinking on that one. Your final one is absolutely the best!

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    1. Pleased to hear you enjoyed my list Elsie.

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  10. I concur with you about the narcissist’s toy! I roll my eyes every time I see people holding them. It's just cringe-worthy!

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    1. It wears thin pretty quickly Stacey.

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  11. I do love what you've done, and imagine you had a great time in the doing, too, Alan. Just for your info and hopefully smile, we have a few bios of Trump at the bookstore (used) where I work. They are not selling! But what is asked for often are books about Obama and 1984. Of course you have to know that I live in Denver, Colorado in order to understand. Love the comment about the fondue set. And, I have been up in a hot air balloon-truly wonderful!

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    1. You're so right Linda, I had fun compiling this list. Not surprised about the Trump bio's.

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  12. This made me laugh so much this morning that I starred it so I could easily find it to enjoy again this afternoon. :)

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  13. Whispers... My school colors were purple, and ten years ago, my very-pregnant feet hurt. Those crocs are buried deep in my closet. Shhh!!!! Don't tell.

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    1. So pleased my list made you laugh Pam -and your secret is safe with me.

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